Jesus argued a lot with the Chief Priests and Democrats. He had twelve opossums. Most of them were good, but Judas Asparagus was not. He was so bad that they named a really yucky vegetable after him.
Jesus healed some people and leopards. Then He preached to the Germans on the Mount, but the Chief Priests and Democrats were mad at him and put Him on trial. Pilot was too chicken to stick up for Him, so he just washed his hands.
Jesus died for our sins and came back to life again. He went to heaven but will come back at the end of the aluminum. We can read all about this in the Book of the Revolution.